“I feel overwhelmed but nothing is actually wrong!”

When Your Stress Bucket Gets Full

Have you ever had one of those times when, if someone asked you what was wrong, you wouldn’t really know what to say?

Nothing major has happened. In fact, life might be going quite well. Yet you don’t quite feel yourself. You might be more tired than usual, you’re not sleeping particularly well, you feel a little more irritable or anxious and the things you normally enjoy don’t seem to have quite the same appeal.

Then comes the inevitable thought:

“What’s wrong with me? Nothing is actually wrong.”

I’ve been thinking about this recently because of something happening in my own life. Getting a new puppy.

Now, this is something I’ve wanted for a long time. It’s exciting, wonderful and something I’m incredibly grateful for. I certainly wouldn’t describe having a puppy as a problem! But it has changed my routine. There are earlier starts, disrupted nights, a new level of responsibility and lots of little things that I now must think about that I didn’t before. My usual routine has been turned upside down a little, and my sleep has certainly been affected.

And I’ve noticed that it has had an impact on me. My mood and motivation for everyday tasks have taken a bit of a wobble.

It has been a useful reminder that stress isn’t always caused by something bad happening. Sometimes even the things we really want can place extra demands on us. A new job, moving house, having a baby, getting married, going on holiday or, in my case, bringing home a puppy. They can all be wonderful experiences, but they still require us to adjust, and adjustment takes energy.

This is where I find the idea of a stress bucket helpful.

Imagine that you have an invisible bucket. Throughout the day and week, different things drop into it. Work pressures, family responsibilities, lack of sleep, a busy schedule, making lots of decisions, worrying about things, changes to routine, even all those little things that don’t seem particularly important on their own.

Most of the time, we’re able to deal with these things because there is still some room in the bucket. We experience stress, we deal with whatever needs dealing with, and then we have time to recover. But what happens when we keep adding to the bucket without giving ourselves enough opportunity to empty it?

Eventually, it fills up.

And that’s when we might start to notice that we’re not quite ourselves. We become more easily irritated. We might feel anxious or overwhelmed. We can’t concentrate as well. Our motivation disappears. We don’t sleep properly. Perhaps we withdraw a little from the people around us because we simply don’t have the energy.

And sometimes something very small can then feel like the final straw. Perhaps that small thing isn’t really the problem. The bucket was already full.

I think this is something we can easily overlook because we tend to look for a reason
for how we’re feeling.

“What’s happened?”

“Why am I anxious/grumpy?”

“Why can’t I be bothered to do anything?”

Sometimes it can be more helpful to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

“What’s changed recently?”

“Have you been sleeping well?”

“Have you had enough time to switch off?”

It might be that nothing is particularly wrong. It might simply be that your bucket has gradually filled up. If that’s the case, perhaps the answer isn’t to change everything. Maybe you need a little more sleep. Maybe you need to get outside for a walk, take a proper break, spend some time doing something you enjoy or simply give yourself permission to slow down. Perhaps you need to ask for some help or recognise that something doesn’t have to be done right this minute.

For me, I’m learning that a lack of sleep and reduced motivation are signs that my own bucket is getting a little fuller. Your signs might be completely different. The important thing is noticing your signs. We don’t have to wait until we’re at breaking point before we do something about how we’re feeling. Sometimes life can be wonderful and exhausting at the same time. We can be happy and stressed. We can be grateful and tired. We can have exactly what we’ve always wanted and still need time to adjust.

So, if you’re feeling a little overwhelmed now, perhaps instead of asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What’s in my bucket?” “What could I do today to create a little more space?” Sometimes a few small changes, a little more rest and a better understanding of what our brain and body need can make a real difference.

And perhaps, just like me with my new puppy, we can learn that sometimes the things that fill our bucket aren’t necessarily the things we want to get rid of. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a little more time and space to adjust.

If you feel as though your stress bucket has been full for a while and you’re finding it difficult to create some space on your own, then maybe it’s time to try something different.

Solution Focused Hypnotherapy can provide a calm space to step back, understand what may be contributing to how you’re feeling and begin to develop more helpful ways of managing life’s challenges. You don’t have to wait until things feel overwhelming before you reach out. Sometimes taking that first small step and talking things through can be enough to start creating a little more space.